Why You WANT a Coach

So often I hear:

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“I NEED to exercise in order for my mind to feel calm.”

“I NEED to have my place clean or I’ll lose my shit.”

“I NEED him to understand where I’m coming from, in order to feel better.”

For the first 10 days of 2019, I was sick as a DOG. (where did that expression come from anyway?!)

Things like having a clean place, getting to exercise, or going on a date, let alone having someone understand where I’m coming from, were completely off the table, for this pretty organized, type A, vulnerable, DOER, if you will.

Not to mention the fact that this self-help nerd was RARIN’ TO GO for 2019.

But the universe had other plans, and I was for sure bummed, to say the least.

All the things I thought I “needed” to stay sane went out the window.

The only thing I could use to stay sane was my MIND.

Funny how that works, right?

Sure, it’s scientifically proven that we release endorphins when we exercise, or connecting with loved ones can ignite our souls, but sometimes those things we THINK we need aren’t available to us…

SO THEN WHAT?

Do you indulge a bunch of mind drama, fighting a reality based on a limiting belief that you need something outside of yourself to FEEL BETTER?

OR

Do you love on yourself EXTRA hard and have a tough love convo with the self-sabotaging thoughts that for sure, DON’T SERVE YOU?

THIS IS WHY YOU WANT A COACH.

I’ve been connected to my coach every day, whether it’s been direct coaching, reading/watching her posts, following her personal journey of never letting any obstacles derail her, listening to her podcast and watching her coach my peers like the baller she is.

I stay in the conversation with her about SELF-BELIEF and consistently HOLD MY VISION of what’s POSSIBLE, DESPITE THE INEVITABLE CURVEBALLS LIFE WILL THROW ME.

But damn those curveballs can really F with my mind.

Stacey shows me what’s possible by being an example of going from nothing to EVERYTHING with her mind.

And she holds the space for me to create so much more from where I am right now— when I could so easily use all the evidence of what is or what was to PROVE I’ll never become December 2019 Claire— to where I want to go.

But the truth is, I don’t NEED Stacey.

I’ve got a great strategy for the next 12 months and already have learned a TON from her, so it would be easy to save my money, and THINK, I can do this on my own.

I also have a bunch of friends who speak my coaching language, who I can bounce stuff off of…

But I know myself.

I know it’s January 13th, which might as well be Jan 3rd, as the first 10 days were kind of a wash, and eventually, I’LL LET my excitement, energy, and focus be derailed by external LIFE STUFF.

And no friend is going to hold me accountable the way Stacey has and WILL.

I don’t need her as my coach—

I WANT her as my coach.

I WANT someone to consistently hold the space to point out my blind-spots and not let my bullshit get in my way.

I WANT someone who’s already gotten to a place in her business and personal life in the most authentic, badass, unapologetic way, to be a guide for getting me to that place too.

I WANT someone who 100% believes in my potential and has promised me, she will not let me NOT achieve my 2019 goals.

How BORING would it be if I just coasted and ended up in the same place this time next year, which by the way— IS NOT TOO SHABBY!

I have a GREAT life right now. Friends who are my family. A DREAM city I call home. And a career that gives me all the giddy feels to wake up to every day.

I’m not under the delusion that eventually getting married, having kids, and expanding my business to a magnitude beyond what my mind can fully fathom right now is the answer to my happiness, but I KNOW FOR SURE, I want to keep growing and thriving during this very precious length of time I get to walk the earth.

If you are like me, and wouldn’t want that any other way either, but don’t know how the hell to manage your mind in order to get there, CALL ME.

Friendly reminder: Your thoughts create your reality.

YOUR THINKING HAS GOTTEN YOU TO WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW.

How will you learn to THINK differently without a coach to show you the ways your mind has NOT been serving you?

Time, money, kids, the weather, and your unsupportive partner will always be great excuses to keep putting off the life you were MEANT TO LIVE.

Choose NOW. Choose YOU.

Think of all the things you’ve REALLY wanted, and figured out a way to make it happen.

Whether it was that gorgeous bag that cost more money than a week’s paycheck, but you THOUGHT you were worth it, and it would make you, “FEEL GOOD.”

Or that exotic, fun, girls trip you weren’t going to miss out on because you THOUGHT…FOMO.

OR, you THOUGHT investing in freezing your eggs would offer you relief about having children later in life…

I’m a totally a fan of doing ALL of the above, but if you’ve done those things and STILL find yourself unsettled because you’re single, lonely, heartbroken, broke, stuck on your career path, or too bruised/bitter to date again, GETTING SAVVY AT MANAGING YOUR MIND around those things, should be your FIRST PRIORITY.

I’m not here to say this work is sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns. But I am here and living proof to say that this work will transform your LIFE.

So my question to you is, why WOULDN’T you want a coach?

HAPPY CLAIRE YOUR MIND MONDAY!

XOXO

Claire

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It Feels Like He Has All the Power

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This is a common disbelief I hear clients and friends on the dating scene often say, and here’s my response:

Why do you THINK he has all the power?

Because you like him?

Because you texted him and you haven’t heard back?

Because you want more than he’s willing to give?

How does this make him powerful, and therefore, YOU, powerLESS?

What if you just like someone a lot, and let that be ok?

What if him not reciprocating what you want is a bummer, but also, TOTALLY OK?

And then I hear, “But Claire, how is it ok that someone who’s the object of my affection, doesn’t want me back?!”

YOU TOTALLY GET TO BE BUMMED.

And I 100% ENCOURAGE you to let yourself feel that disappointment.

But then we gotta get back to your BELIEF that your person is out there.

Because if you, in your heart of hearts BELIEVE that your person is out there searching for you, the way you’re searching for him, you wouldn’t be thinking twice about the guy who hasn’t responded to your text.

You’d be movin’ and shakin,’ focusing on other prospects, plans with friends, your self-care regimen, and so jazzed about your dream job, that you don’t have time to check your phone.

GIRL. I’m A WIP on this stuff, mySELF.

But what I know for sure, is being the woman WHO’S ALREADY IN THAT IDEAL RELATIONSHIP, is going to bring you that much closer to him.

What THOUGHTS does that woman think?

Here’s for sure a thought I know she’s NOT thinking…

Uch, it just felt like that guy I was dating before this dream guy I’m now with, TOOK ALL MY POWER AWAY.

BECOME THE WOMAN YOU’RE STRIVING TO BE RIGHT NOW.

Think the way she would think.

Feel what she would feel.

And behave the way you know she’d behave.

That’s when he’ll show up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah…

It’s hippy dippy woo-woo horseshite you think you “can’t” wrap your head around, even though the IDEA of it sounds great.

I hear from my clients all the time, I INTELLECTUALLY understand it, but I’m having trouble believing it ACTUALLY works.

But here’s my question: IS YOUR WAY WORKING?

Do you have the results you want right now?

Not necessarily with dating, but in ANY area you’re struggling in?

What are the excuses for why you aren’t where you want to be?

Not enough time to put into the task? Not enough money? Or is someone else to blame?

Like the all the man-children that infiltrate Los Angeles, or the douchey New York dudes who are always looking for the next best thing?

My coach just gave me homework to look at an area of my life where I’m NOT taking responsibility.

DAMN, that was a humbling task to say the least.

Without shaming myself, I found multiple places I was relinquishing responsibility.

It came up with a guy I recently dated, a client who was struggling with the guidance I was offering her, and a falling out with someone I deeply care about.

Looking at MY part in any situation allows for the growth, the healing, and ultimately, the TRANSFORMATION.

And when I take this challenge head on in EVERY area of my life, I feel the MOST POWERFUL.

You always have the power, my loves.

And when you think you don’t, just remember, you get to change that thought ANY time you want…

With your thoughts, of course.

Happy Claire Your Mind Monday.

xoxo

Claire

PS. Did your 2019 start out as ROCKY AS MINE? I’ve been sick for the first 7 days of it, which became a bit of a wrench in my plan to kick off the new year with all the big ideas I implemented to quickly become December 2019 Claire. Well, there’s NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT. If you’re interested in becoming your most empowered, transformed, self, MESSAGE ME for a FREE CONSULTATION.

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December 2019 Claire

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Happy New Year’s Eve, Loves!

Yes.  You read correctly. 

I’ve got my mind on WHO I WILL BE A YEAR FROM NOW. 

December 2017 Claire didn’t know she was going to only be a few thousand shy of her “impossible business goal” that she set for December 2018. 

She knew she WANTED to grow her business.  She knew she WANTED to travel.  She knew she WANTED to become a BADASS BOSS BABE serving women to help them STOP WANTING HIM BACK.

BUT SHE DIDN’T KNOW HOW

Cue hiring a serious, amazeballs coach. 

Yes.  Life coaches need serious, amazeballs life coaches. 

December 2017 Claire had a “fine” business.  She practiced the tools on her self that she taught her clients, and participated in business and coaching programs that provided some value, but not enough to achieve baller, next-level, high-end coaching status. 

Frustrated with her lack of significant growth by the time July 2018 rolled around, she knew it was time to START LEVELING UP. 

You know how they say the perfect book pops off the shelf at the perfect time? 

Well, the perfect coach was referred to me at the perfect time.  

Stacey has given me genius marketing and sales tips that have been monumental in the growth of my business…

But none of my success would have happened WITHOUT her being A GUIDE TO MANAGE MY MIND and show me how the way I’D BEEN THINKING ABOUT MY BUSINESS, WASN’T WORKING. 

MY ACTION STEPS WEREN’T GOING TO YIELD ME THE RESULTS I WANTED, (like blogging more or networking more) WITHOUT RESETTING MY MIND TO FULLY BELIEVING IT WAS POSSIBLE TO CREATE THE BUSINESS OF MY DREAMS.

This past year, I’ve been humbled by countless aha’s offered by Stacey showing me how my MIND HADN’T BEEN SERVING ME OR MY BUSINESS. 

These aha’s initially made me spiral even FURTHER! 

How could I think such limiting beliefs about myself that I didn’t even realize, and call myself a coach!?

 I believed for too long that finding clients was hard. 

 People wouldn’t want to pay what I’m charging. 

And my favorite:  I should be in a model relationship so that I can say “if you get through this heartbreak, you can have a relationship like mine!” 

And as I write this, with a big plan to CONTINUE to up level my business and personal life in order to become December 2019 Claire, I now fully embrace that I’m always going to be a humbled student.

Growth is painful.  Hard.  Messy.  Shocking.  Discouraging.  Emotional.  And yes, most humbling. 

But these aspects of growth are par for the course towards getting to be the person you wish to become. 

Who is the December 2019 version of YOU? 

What’s your relationship with your body? 

Your finances?

Your partner?

With food?

 Alcohol?

Your ex?  (you don’t have to be in contact to heal the relationship)   

And whether single or in partnershipYOUR SELF? 

Overwhelmed by all the THINGS? 

HA!  So was 2017 Claire!

Her coach encouraged her to focus on ONE thing.

Choosing my business was EASY, and as a result, so many other areas of my life elevated ORGANICALLY.

Pick one area of your life you’d LOVE to thrive in.  Go ALL in.

THIS DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE ABANDONING YOUR OTHER DESIRES.

It just means that when you GO ALL IN on one area, you’re not only creating SIGNIFICANT RESULTS, you’re growing your SELF in a way that will HELP you fulfill all your other desires at the right time.

OR they organically unfold as you elevate yourself in ONE chosen area.

Maybe, as you grow your business, Mr. Right “magically” appears when you least expect it!

Once you’ve picked that one thing, DON’T LET ANY MIND-MADE BS DISTRACTIONS BE AN EXCUSE to not make it happen, like not enough time, money, or blame on someone else being the reason you’re not achieving your goal.     

And for the love of God, GET COACHED

You have the results that you have right now because of the way you’ve been THINKING. 

Your thoughts create your results. 

Always. 

You THINK online dating sucks?  It will be.

 You THINK getting over him is too hard?  It will be.

You THINK being IN a relationship is hard?  It will be. 

I’ve learned the “hard” way that without guidance of a trusted mentor, the likelihood is you will continue to produce the SAME RESULTS until you have an elevated thinker holding the space to UP LEVEL your mind and therefore yield results beyond your wildest dreams.  

Interested in entertaining the prospect of coaching with me? 

Message me for a FREE CONSULTATION and let’s make 2019 OUR BEST YEAR YET.

Much love,

December 2019 Claire….

GAH!!! I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!!  

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Why I Let it Suck And How I'm STOPPING

Merry Christmas Eve, Loves. 

It has been a heavy time of year for a few of those close to me, and frankly, for myself. 

There are illnesses and several deaths that I simply cannot fathom and continue to be in complete denial about. Also, several clients are in a lot of pain dealing with heartbreak and loneliness, which feels extra amped up over the holidays. 

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As a heartbreak coach, I’m someone who isn’t afraid to lean into the pain of such tragedies that are occurring around me.  And when the tendency to judge my denial arises, I gently remind myself that whatever I’m feeling is completely OK.

Things hit us when they’re supposed to—like when I attended a kundalini yoga class for the first time in ages last week, and the unexpected, cathartic tears spilled on to my mat. I felt lighter, calmer, and at ease.

However, when I left yoga, (and apparently my heart and body), I let my head indulge in ALL THE MIND DRAMA AGAIN, reminding me of how I didn’t hit my business goal for 2019, and how irritated and EXHAUSTED I felt, putting so much energy back into my dating life. 

Later that night, I got an unexpected reach-out from a client who was #TAF.  (Triggered As F$#%)  She was devastated by the news that her ex had moved on with someone else, and he wasn’t making it a secret to their mutual friends. 

ALLLLL the very human thoughts that were all too familiar from previous heartbreaks that I’ve experienced, came up for her :

He replaced me

His relationship with her is more serious than the relationship we had.

He was a terrible partner and yet he managed to find someone before me.

He won.

He’s doing things with her that he never did with me. 

So much of what I do as a heartbreak coach, is guide my clients in diffusing their painful thoughts, but when they say, “I know those thoughts aren’t true,” I know that’s actually NOT true for them in that moment.  

We NEED to look at what we’re believing, because what we believe creates the painful feelings that drive the actions like asking friends about his life, which then results in MORE HEARTBREAK. 

I see so clearly how badly she wants to heal, but HER COMMITMENT TO INDULGING HER LACK OF SELF-WORTH, BASED ON HER EX’s ACTIONS, is still stronger than her desire to heal.

And we’ve all been there…. Wanting to lose the 10lbs, but finding it way easier to indulge in fast food and remain sedentary instead. 

Wanting to quit over-spending, but OMG-- that DREAM DRESS I’VE BEEN EYEING IS NOW 70% OFF! 

So we remain heartbroken, uncomfortable in our bodies, and anxious/pissed at ourselves, every time the credit card statement arrives. 

My client admitted, “I don’t know what it’s going to take for me to stop asking friends or checking social media,” as this has been a goal of hers in our work together.

My tough mama-bear came out: 

IT’S A DECISION YOU DRUDGE UP FROM WITHIN.

NOTHING ELSE NEEDS TO HAPPEN OUTSIDE OF YOU, IN ORDER TO DECIDE YOU WILL NOT TO BE IN HIS BUSINESS, OR MAKE MEANING OUT OF YOUR WORTH BASED ON WHAT YOU LEARN ABOUT HIS BUSINESS ANYMORE. 

It’s AMAZING how much our brains want to also indulge the “I-don’t-know-how”  story, which is what she responded with, despite having gone over ALL the things she could do to actively move forward many times, that go BEYOND the THOUGHT-WORK.

This is NOT to shame my client.  Again-- WE ALL DO THIS.  It’s like “we know how” to lose the weight, but do we really? 

Because if we did, WHY AREN’T SO MANY OF US DOING IT?

I reminded her of the many actionable steps she could take:

1)   STOP CHECKING SOCIAL MEDIA.

2)   STOP ASKING YOUR FRIENDS FOR INFORMATION.

3)   TELL YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS TO NOT GIVE YOU INFO IF YOU SLIP UP AND ASK.  (It’s like getting sober and asking friends to go for a hike with you instead of going to the bar.) 

4) MEDITATE WITH THE PAIN DAILY

5) DO THOUGHT WORK EVERY DAMN DAY

6) REREAD A LIST OF ALL THE THINGS THAT DIDN’T WORK FOR YOU IN THE RELATIONSHIP

7) REACH OUT TO CLAIRE EVERY TIME YOU WANT TO CHECK SOCIAL MEDIA

8) DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM MUTUAL FRIENDS

9) VISUALIZE AND START THINKING ABOUT THE KIND OF MAN YOU DO DESERVE AND THE WOMAN YOU NEED TO BE TO ATTRACT HIM!  HE’S OUT THERE! 

Sure, time and space can heal wounds…but TEACHING YOUR BRAIN JUST HOW GOD DAMN STRONG AND WORTHY YOU REALLY ARE, is FOR SURE, the quickest way through it—all the while cultivating the UTMOST self-compassion for the pockets of pain that come up. 

I woke up the next day, thinking about my huge-hearted empathic client, and it was just plain and simple to me that SHE’S NOT BELIEVING it’s possible to get over him.  She’s NOT BELIEVING she’ll feel the connection to someone else that she felt with this guy. 

And I was reminded by what my coach offers in times like these:  When your clients aren’t doing something you KNOW they need to do, in order to get where they want to go, ask IF YOU’RE DOING IT FOR YOURSELF IN YOUR OWN LIFE. 

And it hit my like a ton of bricks.  I’ve been in MAJOR disbelief about managing my business and dating life simultaneously.  For so long, I thought, I CAN ONLY FOCUS ON ONE THING, and I still see the power in doing just that.   

But I made an empowered decision with my coach a couple of months back that I REALLY WANTED TO FOCUS ON BOTH.  And not only did I believe it was possible to have success and FUN in both areas, my coach believed I could too! 

THIS IS WHY I’VE LET IT SUCK!!!! 

I allowed myself to believe that if one more emotionally unavailable dude comes knocking on my door, I’LL LOSE MY SHIT.

I allowed myself to believe that the incredible success I had with my business from July-Oct was because I tabled dating. 

My other mentor, Brooke Castillo, talks about how it’s MUCH EASIER to BELIEVE when the things we want ACTUALLY HAPPEN.   

But when we’re focusing on the LACK OF EVIDENCE in our present, we’re NOT CREATING ROOM FOR WHAT WE WANT TO COME IN!

THIS IS WHERE OUR WORK LIES, MY LOVES!

Not only is it our belief that needs to come into alignment with what we want, we then need to IMPLEMENT MASSIVE ACTION to SUPPORT SAID BELIEF AS IF THE RESULTS ARE ALREADY HERE!!!

I believe my man is out there. 

I believe I will create a multiple six-figure business in 2019.   

And EVERY DAY, I need to show up as if both have already happened!

Focusing on Mr. Unavailable’s or indulging in “I-don’t-know-how” after creating an almost six figure business in 2018, AIN’T GONNA GET ME THERE.   

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO CREATE OR ATTRACT?

DO YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN?

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO MAKE IT HAPPEN

Don’t know how?

MESSAGE ME FOR A FREE CONSULTATION AND LET’S MAKE YOUR 2019 A DREAM.

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Let it Suck, Let it Suck, Let it Suck!

Is this the antithesis of what a life coach SHOULD be offering you this holiday season??

Well…#sorrynotsorry.

Last week sucked for me. IT JUST DID.

Everything I touched seemed to go to SHIT.

Srsly.

My 2019 goals have felt oh so far away, based on the efforts I’ve made and the amount of no’s and closed doors in my face that I’ve received over the last couple of weeks.

Obviously, the life coach in me KNOWS that I’m not in alignment to attract all that I want to achieve and create in my life right now...

Which then makes me want to BEAT MYSELF UP!

Claire. You teach OTHERS how to get out of their own funks, why aren’t you getting out of YOURS?!

The vrittis (what the yogis call the modifications of the mind) had taken over, and I was not in a good way towards the end of this week.

My best friend asked, “Well, what would you say if you were talking to one of your clients right now?”

I was irritated by the question because it reminded me of how I wasn’t practicing what I was preaching for a LIVING.

I immediately responded with, “I’m in too much of a blind-spot right now to think about that!”

Then I paused and remembered that I do this to her all the time, so it was definitely my turn to rise to her occasion!

You know what? I’d tell them it’s totally ok to feel like everything SUCKS right now. I’d tell them to just let it suck.

And it just so happens that a lot of my clients ARE feeling extra heavy in the heart this holiday season, so that is what I’ve been offering them, but the over-achieving coaching student within, felt like I wasn’t allowed to give myself that permission.

Sometimes thought work feels too INAUTHENTIC to take on, when the emotions feel so heavy.

I still think thought work is the GOLD I’d been missing for a majority of my life…

I still KNOW that it’s our thoughts that create our suffering and our joy.

I had believed such painful stories about myself that I played out for way too long. I don’t say this with regret— I say it because once I learned how to do it, IT TRANSFORMED MY LIFE.

But I’m still human. I still get rejected. I still want to love and be loved. And I still find myself wanting other humans to step up the way I pride myself on stepping up.

Giving myself permission to let myself THINK everything sucks, is the greatest gift I could give myself this holiday season.

And wouldn’t you know it… ONCE I DID THAT, things didn’t suck as much anymore.

My head and heart felt that much lighter, and I was able to step into my vulnerability and speak my truth from my clairest, highest self, without fearing what those on the receiving end would think or say.

HAVE I MENTIONED THAT THIS WORK, WORKS, MY LOVES?

Are you ready to step into your 2019 with the clairest head and most self-compassionate heart while you create the life of your dreams??

CONTACT ME FOR A FREE CONSULTATION

Happy Holidays and when all else fails…

LET IT SUCK!

Love,

Claire

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If Only He'd Do It MY Way

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Anyone else a total control freak like MOI or many of my clients?

This week, my baller of a client dove into the session with:

WE’VE GOTTA WORK ON MY CONTROL ISSUES.

The self-help nerd in me thought, YAASSSSSS! for her, and ME TOO!, so I was selfishly excited about what we’d uncover for us both:)

Although I don’t like to indulge ANYONE’S “I’m-just-SO-busy” story, this woman legit has a busy life:

Full-time job, studying to become a physical trainer AND a health coach, married, and takes care of her child solo for part of the week, due to her husband working out of town.

AND…they just MOVED.

So lots of adjusting with finding the right school for her daughter, settling into the new home, her new job, and… still in the process of selling their old home.

I’m not gonna lie— even I feel angsty listing it all out for you, but GUESS WHAT?

This is life, and as I mentioned… SHE’S A BALLER AT IT.

HER ONLY TWO PROBLEMS ARE:

A) she doesn’t fully recognize (though she’s come a long way!) the baller she is and

B) she wants to control how everything is “supposed” to go

So, when she delegated the inspection issues of the home they’re selling, to her husband, her DISCOMFORT took over, because— OBVI— she THOUGHT she would do a much better job at it than him.

Have you ever been there? Where you’re SO CONVINCED that your way is the right way?

But think about it…

When you THINK your way is so much better while you’re not the one doing the task, (whether you relinquished control or never had it) HOW DO YOU FEEL?

Liz felt anxious, fearful, irritated, and…well…. CONTROLLING.

And when she feels all those fun feelings BECAUSE OF THE WAY SHE’S THINKING, ironically, her ACTIONS end up being that she tries to control her husband by following up and making sure he’s doing it the “right” way anyway!

It really is so funny when you SLOW DOWN and look at how you THINK you’re taking something off your plate, but really, it can potentially create MORE anxiety when you’re NOT MANAGING YOUR MIND AROUND IT.

This is why I’m quite biased about hiring a COACH:)

So I asked Liz: Is this still something you are SURE you do NOT want to deal with? Are there other priorities in your life like your health coaching program and self-care practices that matter WAY MORE than you taking on this task?

100% yes. But I’d feel more relief knowing that the inspection would be done MY way! How do I let go of the shitty way he’ll do it?!

Ooooooh I thought this was so good!!!

YOU GET TO FEEL RELIEF WHETHER YOU DECIDE TO TAKE THIS TASK ON YOURSELF, OR DELEGATE IT TO YOUR HUSBAND.

If you’re SURE you’d prefer him to do it, tell me what you need to be thinking in order to STILL CULTIVATE RELIEF for yourself.

FRIENDLY REMINDER, FOLKS: OUR THOUGHTS CREATE OUR FEELINGS….If you don’t want to think a shitty thought, CHANGE IT.

I’d need to be thinking that I’m SO EXCITED ABOUT MY NEW BUSINESS IDEA I HAVEN’T EVEN TOLD YOU ABOUT YET, CLAIRE! Which is why I don’t want to take on the inspection. This is what I want to be focusing on…. As well as getting my daughter to start eating other things besides PBJ’s and grilled cheeses!!

GREAT! So every time you want to check up on your husband, remind yourself that you made a CHOICE to give him the task because there are way more important things you want to focus on, and how LUCKY you are that he’s willing do it for you!

And let’s say his way isn’t perfect… (or your idea of perfect), remind yourself that YOU CHOSE FOR HIM TO TAKE THE REIGNS ON THIS.

Our brains have a real fun way of letting us forget our WHY’S behind making decisions to BENEFIT us, versus DRIVE US NUTS.

Slow it down. Pause. Breathe. And remind yourself of what matters most.

When it’s all said and done, I’d go out on a limb and say that for most of us, perfection wouldn’t be the answer.

Happy Claire Your Mind Monday

PS Interested in working with me? I’m taking on 5 new clients for the new year AND OFFERING A YEAR LONG SPECIAL THAT EXPIRES DECEMBER 31st! Message me for a FREE CONSULTATION where we’ll discuss how to make 2019 your BEST YEAR YET!

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How Badly Do You Want to Get Over Him?

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How many of you are or have been heartbroken and you want SO BADLY to get over Mr. Wrong? 

Or maybe you’re not convinced he’s the WRONG one, but he’s chosen to walk away so therefore, YOU JUST WANNA GET OVER HIM!

I’ve been there one too many times…

Wanting to CHANGE MY FEELINGS for him because he no longer wants to be in the picture.

And I’d start to indulge a story that there must be something wrong with me that I’d long for someone who not only didn’t treat me well, but WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO WOULDN’T WANT TO BE WITH ME?   

Here’s the thing—this kind of resistance and self-judgment KEEPS US MARINATING IN THE HEARTBREAK. 

What if you ALLOWED your heart to hurt from feeling rejected?  

What if you ALLOWED your heart to long for the guy who at one point, swept you off your feet? 

What if you ALLOWED your heart to cultivate self-compassion instead of self-judgment? 

And my clients say, BUT CLAIRE, I HATE HOW THIS FEELS SO MUCH

I DON’T WANT to want him back. 

I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me.

I don’t want to feel this dread when I wake up in the morning and go to bed at night.

What if I offered that YOU DO WANT TO THINK AND FEEL ALL THESE SAD EMOTIONS AND STORIES YOU’RE INDULGING? 

Yes, they are stories and you ARE indulging them by allowing the brain to run amok by thinking and feeling the worst meanings you’re making out of the split. 

When you argue with reality, you suffer… but only 100% of the time.  Thank you Queen Byron Katie! 

One of my coaches, Brooke Castillo, offers that life is 50% negative and 50% positive. 

What if we leaned into the pain we are feeling for ALL the losses life will inevitably present to us? 

I’m not asking you to necessarily LOVE WHAT IS—even though this is EXACTLY what Katie preaches and is actually the title of her book—but it would be A GREAT START TO PERHAPS EXPLORE NOT RESISTING WHAT IS…

This is a work in progress for me ALWAYS, my loves. 

Not just in my love-life, but in my friendships, my business, with my family, and my health. 

I can hate that I have a recurring cough that exhausts me for months.  I can hate that a friend is hurt by me putting myself first.  I can hate that setting higher goals for my business alerts my brain to MAD PANIC.

OR I can surrender to the uncomfortable feelings that comes with the 50% of life that is unavoidably negative.   

Lean into the discomfort, loves.

From there, your heart will absolutely soften. 

And THEN, you get to DECIDE how and when you want to shift your story.   

I’m often asked, HOW LONG DOES THIS TAKE?

As long as it’s supposed to. 

I know that’s probably not what you want to hear… 

But what I’ve learned is, that when I’ve wanted to get over him SO BADLY, allowing myself to feel the hurt, the longing, the rejection, and the shame, is always a much quicker way to get there. 

Happy Claire Your Mind Monday. 

PS interested in working with me?  Message me for a FREE CONSULTATION to finish off 2018 with a bang, and start 2019 off with the utmost authenticity, vigor and GRACE. 

 

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He Said: Forgive Me For Asking This Question...

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Anyone who knows me knows that I HATE SMALL TALK.

An ex once asked, “If you hate small talk so much, why did you become a life coach?”

Ummmmm, it’s EXACTLY why I became a life coach. 

I much prefer BIG TALK vs. small talk.

 I WANNA GET DEEP.  I don’t want to talk about the weather or traffic. 

I want to know what eats you up inside.  I want to know what makes your heart soar.  I want to know what you’re DYING to do in this lifetime, and how you’re gonna go about doing it.

So, you can only imagine how much FUN I have when I take an Uber ride.

To put it mildly, it’s my worst nightmare. 

When I returned from Cabo, my driver wanted to argue with me about the name of my hood, West LA.  Most people in LA don’t know that there’s an actual little area between Beverly Hills and Santa Monica that is referred to as West LA. 

 He literally GUFFAWED at me, and tried telling me about the lay of the land I’d been living in for the last 5 years. 

He then conveniently let me know that he’s struggling to pay for better upholstery for the interior of his car as I was scrambling to get out as quickly as possible, upon arrival.   

Then you’ve got my all-time favorite interactions at Trader Joe’s.  I swear to God they have GOT to offer their check-out employees better conversation-starter topics. 

Look, I’m ALL ABOUT BEING POLITE AND GENUINELY APPRECIATIVE TO ANYONE WHO IS IN A SERVICE POSITION, (or anyone period!) but I don’t feel like telling you “what I’m up to for the rest of the day.” 

You seriously want me to rattle off that I’m heading to a gyno appointment, then spending a solid 2 hours looking for “the one” on Bumble after my gyno yet again reminds me that I should have started trying to conceive yesterday, and after that?  Probs drown my sorrows in the bottle of Two Buck Chuck you thankfully, so carefully packed. 

HOW ABOUT YOU, JOE?!  What are YOU up to after work?

So as usual, I braced myself for an invasive conversation when I hopped into a cab to LAX, heading for Ireland last week.

It was going to be a long 45 minute ride, thanks to rush hour traffic.

My inner monologue prayed: Please God don’t talk about the traffic… PLEASE GOD!

WELL WELL WELL.

Jason TOTALLY pleasantly surprised me.

I don’t know what it was, but we got into a lovely, ORGANIC chat, which led him to asking what I did for a living, prefaced with:  I HOPE YOU DON’T MIND ME ASKING…

Jason’s mama raised him with some MANNERS!

I explained that I’m a heartbreak coach, which inspired more questions that were intelligent and genuine.

(Trust me: I know the difference between skepticism and judgment, vs open mindedness and polite curiosity) 

Jason wanted to know what led me on this path.  I shared MY HEARTBREAK STORY with him, and his immediate response was:

I’m so sorry that happened to you. 

PLEASE DON’T BE!   

I explained that I attracted that guy because of my very low self-esteem at the time, which was an invitation to wake up and take a good, long, hard look in the mirror and get real about how poorly I’d been treating myself for so many years.

The bottom line was, if my self-esteem was high, I NEVER WOULD HAVE TOLERATED THE EMOTIONAL ABUSE.

Lovely Jason offered yet another polite preface before asking a question that most Trader Joe’s employees and Uber drivers I’ve met apparently were not taught to do, with:

“Forgive me for asking this and you don’t have to answer and I don’t wanna sound…”

Jason. We’re practically besties.  Whatchyou wanna know?

Well I hear this a lot…Attractive women like you, talking about having low self-esteem and I hope it doesn’t sound ignorant, but I don’t understand how someone like you would have low self esteem…

I wasn’t offended at all, and I thought it was a great question.

Forgive the not-so-humble brag by sharing his flattering observation, but I totally understood what he meant, as I have the most beautiful clients and girlfriends on the inside and out, WHO DON’T THINK THEY ARE WORTH THE GREAT SALARY, GUY, or JOB.     

They’d do ANYTHING for their friends, family, and emotionally unavailable partners, and put more effort into cheering them on from the sidelines…

But they find themselves hurt because those loved ones might not necessarily do the same for them in return.  Or they’re exhausted from giving, giving, giving, or financially spent because they’d never say no to an expensive birthday getaway, or a wedding that they realistically can’t afford.    

There are SO many reasons why I had low self-esteem that were never properly addressed for too long.  (But of course, I believe timing is everything so no regrets on when I embarked on this healing journey) 

As a kid, despite having a family who was ALWAYS there for me, I still felt “not enough” in my social life, even though my childhood friends are still some of my closest.

It wasn’t a reflection on them.  It was a reflection of my THOUGHTS ABOUT MYSELF and the values that seemed to be so important in the culture of my hoighty-toighty hometown. 

Being skinny, pretty, and rich were basic requirements to feel accepted, where I grew up. 

Looking back, I recognize I had a very privileged childhood, but at the time, compared to my friends, I was the taller, more awkward, less rich, and less pretty one throughout middle school into high school. 

Then I picked the most soul-sucking career an insecure girl in her early 20’s could pick— 

FECKIN’. ACTING.

Acting is still my first love, but alllll the mistakes I made and missed opportunities I messed up because I had my low self-esteemed-head up me arse, allowed for that lack of self-worth to continue to play out.

Sure, I’ve had some great experiences acting over the years and continue to appreciate the auditions I get today, (thankfully with a lot more skill and confidence) but again, I found myself cheering my more successful friends on, accepting that them being the stars was always going to be “the way it is.”   

And I didn’t have this acute sense of self-awareness until I hit rock bottom in my love-life.

The pain was unbearable and my strong conviction as the victim bled into every other area of my life, which broke friendships, (some irreparable) and again, destroyed a lot of incredible audition opportunities I was fortunate to have during my years in NYC.

The universe served me someone on a silver platter to reflect back the poor treatment I’d been giving myself for years prior, based on false beliefs that disguised what true worthiness really meant to me at my core. 

I’m actually glad it happened because without that experience, I wouldn’t be doing what I do NOW.

Does this make sense, Jase?

He said it totally did. And then proceeded to tell me about his biggest heartbreak that happened not too long ago…

He wasn’t interested in opening his heart again any time soon, but of course I gave him unsolicited coaching advice and told him that the more we’re willing to let our hearts break by staying open and being our most authentic and vulnerable selves, the greater the chance of finding our person.

Then.

Wait for it.

I asked for a hug at the end.

Yep. Ms Anti-Making-Friends-With-Strangers hugged it out with her Uber driver, and it was the greatest kick-off to the most EPIC week I had with my family and friends in Dublin!

Where do you feel most insecure in your life? Is it one area or several areas?

Although I offered a therapy angle to Jason by connecting the dots from my past, as a life coach, my approach is to focus on the PRESENT and start cleaning up what’s not working, right here, RIGHT NOW, in order to create an incredible FUTURE.

If you’re intrigued to finish off 2018 with a bang, and kick off 2019 with a CONCRETE approach and PLAN TO LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE, contact me for a FREE CONSULTATION!

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Who I Need Him To Be

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How many of you think about all the qualities you “need” your man or ideal man to be for you to feel good?

I for sure do.

I want him to be Generous. Attentive. Kind. Affectionate. Funny. Charming. Stylish. Committed. Loyal. Honest. Attractive. Smart. Cultured. Ambitious. Emotionally available. Anti-Trump.

Ok fine— the last one for SURE is a non-negotiable for me.

But the rest all seem like pretty reasonable desires, right?

I’m not arguing that they’re unreasonable qualities to seek out in a partner, but I see so often how this trips up so many of my single clients, friends, and even those IN committed relationships.

And ummm… ME.

We’re so focused on who he is, how he shows up, what he says and does (or doesn’t!), that we’re not really connecting to OURSELVES.

“But Claire, when he’s generous or sends me a sweet text, it let’s me know that he’s interested and is thinking of me, which makes me feel WORTHY and LOVED!”

TRUTH BOMB:

It’s your THOUGHTS about that person that makes you feel worthy and loved.

So what’s it going to take to tap into the feelings of worthiness, self-love, self-compassion, loving kindness, warmth, and SECURITY you CRAVE from your partner, and instead cultivate all of these desired feels for YOURSELF??

Record scratch.

Look, I’m not saying you don’t want to attract a fabulous partner, or that there are some qualities in your current partner you simply don’t want to love, and YOU DON’T HAVE TO.

But EVERY time (yes EVERY) time we’re needing someone to be something they’re not, we’re asking for PAIN.

I’m all about effective communication with a partner to see if perhaps a little more physical affection would be something he’d be interested in offering because it’s something that you crave, but WHAT IF HE REFUSES TO?

You get to DECIDE the MEANING you want to make out of him not wanting to express himself in that way. You get to DECIDE if it’s a deal breaker.

And full transparency, this would be a tough one for me, but I wouldn’t know it was a deal breaker until I was IN the relationship.

Perhaps he WAS physically affectionate at one point but then became withdrawn.

The life coach in me would want to explore that vs FIGHT IT and get curious at a time when I sense he might be more open to have a conversation vs MAKE DEMANDS THAT THIS IS WHAT I NEED AND IF YOU DON’T GIVE IT THEN I’M OUT.

As I type the above, I feel a little residual shame because I used to be that woman who would look for all the reasons to bounce.

Frankly, I have a tendency to still do it, but I now have the tools to check myself and a fabulous VILLAGE of coaches and women who hold me accountable to not let FEAR take over my DEEPEST desire, which is to find true love.

We are SUCH complex humans, loves. The older I get, the more I realize that NOTHING is black and white when it comes to our closest relationships.

Stay open. Go deep within. Ask yourself what your supposed need from him is REALLY about, and if it’s possible for you to fulfill that need for yourself.

Finally, I’ll leave you with a gem of a concept MY coach, Stacey Smith, shared on my recent business retreat in Cabo.

She said that before she met her fiance, she thought about the kind of man she was searching for. And then she thought about the kind of WOMAN the man of her desires would be looking for, and she BECAME that woman.

Now don’t freak out— this isn’t about molding to become someone you’re not. This is coming from a space of desiring the highest quality human, and then wanting to be that highest quality human to match him.

This is something that has really stuck with me in the last week…

The man I desire is just pure good. A solid human. He’s hilarious. Kind. And he’s looking for a woman to knock his socks off and challenge his bullshit. He wants a family, like me, and he isn’t afraid to go after what he wants… ie ME. ;)

So who’s the woman I need to be for him?

She’s NO BULLSHIT. (check!) She’s vulnerable and kind and fun and generous. She’s flexible and easy going, but not a doormat and isn’t afraid to implement boundaries so that her own self-care practice and work aren’t compromised. She challenges him in a loving but sometimes brutally honest way, and DOESN’T NEED HIM TO MAKE HER HAPPY.

BOOM.

We are both just a lovely addition to each other’s life.

I’m gonna continue to sit with this belief and manifest the F out of this beautiful relationship that I know is waiting for me at the perfect time and in perfect place.

While fully believing your person is out there, become the BEST version of yourself. And if you’re already in a relationship?

BECOME THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF.

Work with me to figure out HOW.

Happy Claire Your Mind Monday from DUBLIN!

XOXO

Claire

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What This Heartbreak Coach Is Willing to Let Go Of

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When I told people I was going to Cabo for a business retreat, the general consensus was:

“WOW! That’s going to be AMAZING!”

Yes, it would be, but I also knew I was going to be triggered as f%$*.

I signed up for this trip with 10 other life coaches who, like me, are looking to grow their businesses to super high levels.

In case you’re new to my blog, I’ve been a big preacher on how DISCOMFORT is a GUARANTEE when it comes to growing in ANY area of your life.

So, yeah… Cabo was going to be beautiful and luxurious beyond my wildest dreams, (we were fed sushi on a YACHT, y’all) but I was mildly terrified about shining a light on my fear of getting towards where I want to go.

Enter my baller of a coach, Stacey Smith, who is a force to be reckoned with.

She’s about to scale at almost a MILLION DOLLARS in her THIRD year of being a coach, and her belief that I can do it too, astounds me.

As we mapped out the next THREE YEARS of what we would like our businesses to look like, the panic, resistance, and dare I say, DREAD, set in.

HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO THIS?

WHAT SACRIFICES WILL I HAVE TO MAKE IN ORDER TO GET THERE?

MAYBE I’M NOT A GOOD ENOUGH COACH TO BE PUSHING MYSELF IN THIS DIRECTION.

The third one really threw me into a tailspin.

I’m a heartbreak coach and to be honest, I’m a little bit OVER getting my heart broken right now.

I think I’m READY for love.

I think I’d make an amazing partner to someone.

I think I’m TOTALLY worthy of a healthy, strong, and happy romantic relationship.

So if that’s what I THINK, and am still a firm believer that my thoughts create my reality, then why is the RESULT that I’m NOT in a desirable relationship?

As we mapped out our three-year goals, the most mind-blowing part of the exercise for me was writing 25 things I’d be WILLING to fail at or let go of, in order to reach my goal.

A few were easy to rattle off, like skipping a blog post one week, or accepting “no’s” from potential clients, which I’m actually quite good at, being that I’ve been acting on and off professionally for the last 18 years…

But without thinking twice, #22 almost wrote itself:

I’m willing to let my heart get broken over and over until I meet Mr. Right, without letting it be a reflection of how “good” of a heartbreak coach I am.

My deepest truest self KNOWS I’m REALLY GOOD at coaching on heartbreak, even though I sometimes get super pissed when I think, “Yet again, another dude who flips the switch after being full court press,” which just so happened to me recently.

I teach my clients that we don’t get to have control over our circumstances. We get to control HOW WE SHOW UP under our circumstances, and DAMN I feel pretty freakin’ proud about the way I show up.

With Grace. Class. Vulnerability. Authenticity. Honesty. Respect. And Kindness.

I allow myself to feel the disappointment.

I take a compassionate inventory on my own behavior and fairly evaluate what I could have done differently, if anything at all.

And now a days— for the most part— I find myself to be pretty BADASS in my dating life.

This doesn’t always guarantee me the results I want, but it does offer me an invitation to step deeper into the well of love that exists within.

THIS is what I’m so proud to guide my own clients in discovering.

Our hearts will inevitably hurt in this lifetime, but we can learn to manage it, be with it, love it and build SO MUCH RESILIENCE so that it will continue to stay open and vulnerable and BELIEVE, no matter what.

I love what I coach. I love what I’ve endured so that I GET TO COACH. And I love that I’m still continuing to heal, learn, and grow as a human and as a coach, with zero shameful secrets to hide.

I accept that others might see this as a “failure” on my part. Or not accomplished enough to coach them…

But I’m not for everyone.

And if I keep living it to give it for MY PEOPLE, and practice what I preach with love and compassionate allowance to fall on my face, I will continue to see my life as an exciting opportunity to share more of who I am and how I show up.

What do you want to achieve? What bullshit limiting belief is holding you back from believing you can?

What if being IMPERFECT at what you want to do is an opportunity for you to step further into the fire and come out the other side as a transformed being you never knew you were capable of becoming??

You are exactly where you are supposed to be, my loves. This I know for sure.

But if you want to create a life that’s different from where you’re at, I also know for sure you can 100% MAKE THAT HAPPEN.

ARE YOU READY? ARE YOU WILLING TO ACCEPT FAILURE, JUDGMENT AND LETTING GO OF LIMITING BELIEFS AS PART OF YOUR JOURNEY TO GET THERE?

If so, message me for a FREE CONSULTATION.

Happy Claire Your Mind Monday.

Love,

Claire

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