GASLIGHTING & What You Need To Know About It

GASLIGHTING & What You Need To Know About It

I was of course devastated by the betrayal, but more devastated by the LOSS OF MYSELF due to the gaslighting, and FELT SO MUCH RELIEF ONCE I KNEW THERE WAS AN ACTUAL TERM FOR THIS BEHAVIOR, BECAUSE I FINALLY FELT LIKE I WASN'T ALONE.  

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Why Is My Ex ORBITING Me?!

Have you guys heard of ORBITING??  It's the latest term the kids have coined for when your ex lurks on your Instagram stories.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with the gram, you can post pics and videos in your stories that last 24 hrs, and whoever watches is listed below.

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know I’m ADAMANT about cutting off ALL CONTACT after a break-up.   

The time spent after a break-up should be focused on healing and moving forward--NOT posting to get a like from him, or stalking his page to see who he’s with or how “moved on” he seems.

I’ve definitely been triggered by an ex orbiting me, and have many friends and clients who’ve experienced the same head-scratcher, making us wonder:

If you were so clear about not wanting to be with me anymore, WHY do you keep watching my stories?!

It creates A LOT OF THOUGHT DRAMA that can be nipped in the bud if you bring yourself back to a GROUNDED REALITY.

Here are some things to consider:

1)   Instagram stories bleed into the next account’s stories of whoever you’re following.  Your ex could be watching a slew of stories and then yours pops up organically, so he continues to watch amidst all the other accounts he follows.  No rhyme or reason, but you think it means something because of YOUR feelings—not necessarily his…

2)   If you want him to stop, you CAN BLOCK HIM—don’t worry about thoughts like, “Well then he’ll think I’m crazy” or “I don’t want him to forget me!”  Take care of YOU.  Let your ex think whatever he’s going to.  Your Instagram account shouldn’t be the catalyst to bring you back together. 

3)   If you’re driving yourself crazy wondering WHY he keeps watching, ASK HIM.  What is the RESULT you want??  I want to know WHY.  Ok.  Then ASK. 

I took option 3 with an ex because we no longer followed each other on Instagram, so I was baffled by his name repeatedly showing up at the top of my stories, six months after our break-up.

The first couple of times, I thought “Well, all exes get a little curious, but someone needs to tell this child I can SEE that he’s watching…”

But by the fifth time over a period of a couple of weeks, I’d had it—especially because he claimed that despite there being “so much good” he didn’t see us working through the challenges we faced as a couple, nor did he want to. 

I was gutted to say the least… Just days before the break-up he had sent beautiful messages stating how in awe he was of me, and how much he wanted to work through our challenges.

Thankfully, I followed my own 10 Steps to Heal Heartbreak  (subscribe to watch!) and was pleasantly surprised by how quickly I’d moved on… the first couple of months were pretty brutal, but by the time he was watching my stuff 6 months later, I thought:

“CLASSSSIC UNIVERSE.  Just when he becomes a distant memory, he starts. To. ORBIT!!!!”

Could I have blocked him?  Absolutely. 

But the truth is he was unblocked at this point because I got overly confident about not caring anymore!

Yes, even life coaches have blindspots and moments of unawareness, which can feel quite humbling to say the least...

So I heard my coach telling me, “Make it MATH.  NOT DRAMA! What’s the RESULT you want?”

The result I wanted was knowing why he kept coming to my page to watch my life, after making such a clear decision to not want to be in it.   I offered that I was here if he had something to say, but if nothing had changed, I felt it wasn’t healthy for him or me that he continues to…well…STALK.

I received a pretty flippant, rushed, poorly written response that ultimately said, “What can I say? I was curious! I’ll stop.”

Was it unsatisfactory?  Absolutely.

Did I regret reaching out?  HELL NO.

I wanted an answer and I got one.  No more wondering, story-making, or “WTF! He watched AGAIN!,” and most importantly, I SHUT DOWN WHAT I THOUGHT WAS NOT COOL BEHAVIOR.

It was an opportunity to step into my power while still being kind and vulnerable, and getting to implement a boundary. 

If you find yourself giving WAY to much energy creating stories around your ex’s or anyone eles’s social media activity, present yourself with this Byron Katie question:

WHO WOULD I BE WITHOUT THIS THOUGHT?

I would be someone who’s putting myself out there to meet Mr. Right.  I would be focusing on taking my career to the next level.  I would be having more meaningful conversations with my girlfriends instead of psychoanalyzing someone’s behavior who frankly, proved in the end he wasn’t the emotionally available man I’d wanted him to be.

Orbiting is a term that totally amuses the millennial within, but letting it derail your healing process or distract you from living your fullest life, is on YOU.

The orbiter is NEVER in control of your thoughts or feelings, so next time you get triggered by the lurking, either block or ask for the facts…

Then ghost the mutha-f*&#@!!!

Happy Claire Your Mind Monday!!!

Interested in working with me?  The only requirement is that you understand my twisted sarcasm… If so, email claireyourmindcoaching@gmail.com and let’s get started with your first FREE strategy session!

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Shame For Feeling Shame

Shame For Feeling Shame

I pointed out to my client that her judgment of herself for feeling shame was creating MORE shame, and she asked a perfectly reasonable question: "How do I stop THAT?!"

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I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO DO THIS POST

Sometimes even your life coach just isn't feelin' life when there's one too many doozies occurring under a full moon during THAT time of the month.  

(I know-- the over-sharing NEVER stops!) 

Sometimes the overwhelm and visceral reaction in the body can be so big, that I know thought-work isn't the immediate remedy.  So here's what I did...

PS  You're welcome for the thumbnail--I think it perfectly captures the whole-time-of-the-month-under-a-full-moon feel...no?

PPS Email claireyourmindcoaching@gmail.com for your COMPLIMENTARY STRATEGY SESSION, if we have yet to connect!

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If Only He'd Do the Work On Himself!

Does your guy or best friend keep getting in his or her own way?

TELL ME ABOUT IT!  If only these important people in our lives would just do what WE think is best for them-- then all would be RIGHT in the world!  

Here's how to fix the problem:  

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What My Best Friend of 20 Years Didn't Realize About Me

Sometimes you think you reeaaallly know someone!

It's not as dramatic as you'd probably hope it would be, but I love relationships where we continue to surprise each other after knowing each other for so long.

Not only did I offer my bestie an AHA about me, but I love what the conversation inspired me to think about... 

So here it is!

 

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Copy of What if you did THIS in the Thick of Your Pain?

Hi Loves!  

This is the last in my series of videos reflecting on my weekend with Martha Beck and Elizabeth Gilbert.

As most of you know who have been following me for a while, pain is a common topic of discussion for this Heartbreak & Healing Coach.  (FUN TIMES!)

I hope you'll check out this video below to hear what Elizabeth Gilbert did recently in the thick of her pain-- to say I'm inspired is an understatement!

If you're interested in my Heartbreak and Healing One-on-One Coaching Program, email me at claireyourmindcoaching@gmail.com.  

Let's embrace life FULL ON!

Love, Claire

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What if you did THIS in the Thick of Your Pain?

Hi Loves!  

This is the last in my series of videos reflecting on my weekend with Martha Beck and Elizabeth Gilbert.

As most of you know who have been following me for a while, pain is a common topic of discussion for this Heartbreak & Healing Coach.  (FUN TIMES!)

I hope you'll check out this video below to hear what Elizabeth Gilbert did recently in the thick of her pain-- to say I'm inspired is an understatement!

If you're interested in my Heartbreak and Healing One-on-One Coaching Program, email me at claireyourmindcoaching@gmail.com.  

Let's embrace life FULL ON!

Love, Claire

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Cultivating Peace to Get to Where You Want to Go

Hi Loves!

So this week is a little different, as I'll be vlogging more than usual while I continue to process my life-changing weekend with Elizabeth Gilbert and Martha Beck.  I'm SO EXCITED to share what I learned with all of you!

Today's topic was a great reminder that I certainly needed:  

WHO NATURALLY THINKS OF CULTIVATING INNER PEACE AND RELAXATION WHEN YOU'VE GOT GOALS TO HIT, PLACES TO VISIT, AND PEOPLE YOU WANT TO MEET??

NOT. ME.

Watch this video to remind you that PEACE is the way to get you to where you wanna go!

And enjoy this FABULOUS thumbnail.  You're welcome!  

INTERESTED IN WORKING WITH ME??  EMAIL: claireyourmindcoaching@gmail.com

Follow my antics on Instagram HERE

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TRANSFORMATION-- My Weekend With Elizabeth Gilbert & Martha Beck!

HI LOVES!

So I thought I was going to publish this for Claire Your Mind Monday TOMORROW, but I got it done early and am eager to get my ALL-OVER-THE-PLACE message OUT!

It's been an INCREDIBLE weekend working with Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat Pray Love and Big Magic) and Martha Beck (author of Finding Your Own North Star and spear-headed my life coach training program) who have touched on so many POIGNANT topics for this life coach and well...human--

YES.  I think ALL HUMANS can relate to everything we touched on yesterday-- FEAR.  LOVE.  DIVINITY.  PERSISTENCE.  TRUTH.  TRUST.  MAGIC.  

SO MANY BEAUTIFUL AHA's occurred for me, but TRANSFORMATION is the one I'm most excited to talk to you about today.  

STAY TUNED THIS WEEK FOR MORE, as I continue to process ALL THE MAGIC that occurred this weekend...

FINALLY, my old self would say, "FORGIVE MY EXHAUSTED APPEARANCE" but actually, this is me as real as it gets...having just had my mind blown by a room full of 600 PLUS magical people who want to live their lives to the fullest, just like me, and I HOPE IT WILL INSPIRE YOU TO DO THE SAME... 

YES.  EVEN LOOKING LIKE THIS!!!!  You're welcome:) 

LOVE TO YOU ALL.  Now let's go TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE.  

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