In my late 20’s into my early 30’s, I found myself grasping at any and all healing modalities to “FIX” what was “wrong” with me.
I remember in one of my many moments of despair, one of my closest friends who was very much over my mind-made drama, and rightfully so, said:
“CLAIRE, WHAT IF YOU ARE PERFECT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE?”
At the time, I was definitely NOT in the space to receive her unconditional love and acceptance of the hot mess I was, and proceeded to keep searching for that missing piece that again, would FIX my broken self.
I was a devout yogi, (and taught yoga), practiced meditation daily, did reiki, attempted to see several therapists I hated, and read every self-help book under the sun, thinking THIS was the one that would SAVE MY SOUL!
But shocker, I WAS STILL MISERABLE.
Looking back, I know what my best friend was telling me was EXACTLY the thing I needed to hear…
There was no way I was going to attain authentic healing and happiness WITHOUT fully loving, forgiving, and ACCEPTING myself exactly the way I was at the time.
Looking back, I recognized that not only was I addicted to toxic relationships, but I was addicted to self-help WITHOUT ACTUALLY HELPING MYSELF.
I’m sure you see a similar pattern with people who want to lose the weight— they buy all the books, join weight watchers, talk about food, obsess over food, but don’t actually lose the weight.
All talk and no walk.
SO WHAT WAS THE MISSING PIECE THAT GOT ME WHERE I AM TODAY?
A place where I’m 100% committed to personal growth work, and currently making it my life’s work?
1) Instead of highlighting the shite out of every self-help book and taking notes, I actually started IMPLEMENTING the tools into my life.
2) I finally found the right therapist when I moved to LA 5 years ago. Don’t say “I’ve looked but they’re all terrible.” Your person is out there, and you shouldn’t stop until you find him/her. (also I’m taking on new clients in November. Message me for a FREE CONSULTATION)
3) I started to serve others in a very organic way after the therapy was starting to really sink in. This inspired me to explore becoming a life coach for shits n’ gigs… Little did I know this work would catapult me into creating the life of my dreams.
4) I MADE A COMMITMENT to NOT berate my body anymore, NOT put myself down as a romantic partner, and FULLY OWN that I’m a life coach/actress— judge the F away on this total LA cliche, because the only way that title is changing is if I decide I want to try something else.
5) I allow myself to feel sad, anxious, mad, scared, etc. ALL THE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS WE’RE TAUGHT NOT TO FEEL FOR TOO LONG, IF AT ALL. I accept that these experiences are part of being human. THERE’S NOTHING TO FIX WHEN I’M FEELING THESE EMOTIONS. Loss hurts. Not hitting goals feels frustrating. Old limiting thought patterns will inevitably creep up, and sometimes thought work isn’t the answer when it all feels too heavy.
6) I commit to my own coaching work which entails doing thought work DAILY, and lay my shite out on the table to my coaches and coaching group. Now that I KNOW there’s nothing to fix here, I just get psyched to continue to grow and expand bc frankly, life would be boring staying exactly where I am.
What if you decided there was nothing to FIX about yourself?
What if you just believed you were amazing as you are right here, right now, and looked at doing the work as a way to EXPAND vs. FIX?
What if you made a commitment to NOT put up with anymore bullshit your brain is telling you as a way to keep you safe and small and comfortable in your discomfort of thinking you’re not worthy of an amazing partner, or a thriving business??
You don’t have to go crazy and grasp at all the straws outside of yourself the way I did…
But perhaps you get EXCITED about having a life where you wake up on a daily basis and feel psyched about being in the skin you’re in?
Start from there. Implement the tools. And decide if it’s a therapist or a coach that would be the right fit for you.
Not sure what the difference is? Message me for a FREE CONSULTATION and I’ll explain. I will NOT take you on as a client if I think therapy is a better fit for you. So what’ the harm in finding out??
I’d say none if at the very least you come to the same cathartic realization that you are perfect just the way you are…
right here, right now.
HAPPY CLAIRE YOUR MIND MONDAY, MY LOVES.