As a life coach, I’m ALL about reminding my clients about how far they’ve come and if they’re getting in their own way, I’m not shy about pointing that out either…
After all that’s what I hire MY coaches for!
But it’s easy for us to lose sight of all that’s been accomplished while we’re continuing to work with a coach so that we can keep on GROWING.
Last week, I had a session with one of my year-long clients, who is a recovering people-pleaser.
This girl is about as sweet and kind as they COME. She cracks me up with her spaz attack sense of humor, and her desire to step into the best version of herself on a daily basis in ALL aspects of her life is awe-inspiring to say the least.
Unlike a majority of my clients, Sarah did not come to me with relationships issues.
In fact, for the five months we’ve been working together, our sessions have NEVER been about her live-in girlfriend of 2 years, because it really is and has been an ideal relationship.
Anyone else out there thinking, WOW! I WONDER WHAT THAT’S LIKE!
BACK TO SARAH.
Recently, she started taking a closer look at her relationship as any introspective person would after two years, EVEN THOUGH THERE WERE REALLY NO PROBLEMS!
Sarah’s partner is her best friend. They’ve been through hell and back together, and love and support each other in all that they do.
And despite how far she’s come in stepping into her own power and taking responsibility for her THOUGHTS, there’s still a deep part of Sarah that cares so much about what others think.
And it started to occur to her that her life would be A LOT easier overall if she was in a heterosexual relationship.
I asked, HOW SO?
She really didn’t have great reasons!
Her family is supportive. Everyone at work knows. And she lives in one of the most progressive cities in the country!
But I let her have that one, despite it being just a thought: “My life would be easier if I was dating a man.”
I thought the same last year when I was dating a Jewish man. Although I don’t consider myself a practicing catholic, I very much identify with my Irish Catholic upbringing, and it certainly wouldn’t have been EASY to convert for multiple reasons…
It would have broken my parents’ hearts. I would have had to do a lot of work on automatically THINKING I’m not fully accepted or fully approved of by his family. And overall, I’m just personally not a fan of ANY organized religion.
So yeah. It would have been easier.
And I can’t imagine what it would be like if I was dating a woman or a black man in this country, knowing that SO MANY PEOPLE WOULD HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT.
I gave it to Sarah.
Overall, her life would be “a lot easier” if she was with a man.
But here’s the deal. She fell in love with a woman.
Who loves her unconditionally. Allows her room to grow. Supports her spastic ways. Gives her space when she needs it. Wants to grow old with her. And is willing to be her most raw and vulnerable self with her.
From where this heterosexual SINGLE female was standing, (or sitting!) I was starting to think it really didn’t have to be so hard for Sarah.
It was just hard for the lil people pleaser INSIDE her… not to mention the GUILT she was feeling for having such thoughts because she couldn’t possibly love her partner more.
All of this emotional overwhelm led to the big q for her life coach:
CAN YOU JUST GIVE ME PERMISSION THAT MY LIFE IS OK!?!
I had to laugh.
And them lovingly tell her NO.
We’ve worked together long enough that I knew I didn’t need to tell her, and after she got the question off her chest, I didn’t even have to prod her.
Her most grounded truth came out:
I always thought the perfect situation would be to have SECURITY. The promise, the ring, the children, etc. But RIGHT NOW I feel very happy…. Today is an amazing day. I’m very happy with what my day to day looks like and life looks like RIGHT NOW. I don’t know what’s next but I want to keep GOING FORWARD.
I ACTUALLY feel good about having a non-traditional kind of situation. NOT a heterosexual relationship… And we’ll cross the next bridge when we want to— not when we should.
I said, “Sarah. What did you just do?”
I GAVE MYSELF PERMISSION THAT MY LIFE IS OK!
The work WORKS, my loves. We just gotta get all the very human, mindmade garbage off our chests and ask for guidance to get to our truth.
We ALL have blindspots. We ALL get in our own way. We ALL have fears about whether or not we’re doing all the “right” things.
I couldn’t be prouder of Sarah. It was one of those “PINCH-ME-I-CAN’T-BELIEVE-THIS-IS-WHAT-I GET-TO-DO-FOR-A-LIVING” MOMENTS.
Where are you feeling stuck? What’s holding you back from not figuring it out? Fear? Not enough time? Not enough money?
Those are just excuses, loves. No time like the present.
If you are SUPER COMMITTED TO CREATING THE CHANGE YOU CRAVE and want more than anything to be in much more self-owned, empowering place SIX MONTHS FROM NOW, MESSAGE ME FOR A FREE CONSULTATION.
HAPPY CLAIRE YOUR MIND MONDAY.
PS This week I’m heading to CABO with my coaching tribe for a BUSINESS RETREAT. Stay tuned for lots of updates and aha’s from PARADISE with a MAGICAL group of women!