Anyone else a total control freak like MOI or many of my clients?
This week, my baller of a client dove into the session with:
WE’VE GOTTA WORK ON MY CONTROL ISSUES.
The self-help nerd in me thought, YAASSSSSS! for her, and ME TOO!, so I was selfishly excited about what we’d uncover for us both:)
Although I don’t like to indulge ANYONE’S “I’m-just-SO-busy” story, this woman legit has a busy life:
Full-time job, studying to become a physical trainer AND a health coach, married, and takes care of her child solo for part of the week, due to her husband working out of town.
AND…they just MOVED.
So lots of adjusting with finding the right school for her daughter, settling into the new home, her new job, and… still in the process of selling their old home.
I’m not gonna lie— even I feel angsty listing it all out for you, but GUESS WHAT?
This is life, and as I mentioned… SHE’S A BALLER AT IT.
HER ONLY TWO PROBLEMS ARE:
A) she doesn’t fully recognize (though she’s come a long way!) the baller she is and
B) she wants to control how everything is “supposed” to go
So, when she delegated the inspection issues of the home they’re selling, to her husband, her DISCOMFORT took over, because— OBVI— she THOUGHT she would do a much better job at it than him.
Have you ever been there? Where you’re SO CONVINCED that your way is the right way?
But think about it…
When you THINK your way is so much better while you’re not the one doing the task, (whether you relinquished control or never had it) HOW DO YOU FEEL?
Liz felt anxious, fearful, irritated, and…well…. CONTROLLING.
And when she feels all those fun feelings BECAUSE OF THE WAY SHE’S THINKING, ironically, her ACTIONS end up being that she tries to control her husband by following up and making sure he’s doing it the “right” way anyway!
It really is so funny when you SLOW DOWN and look at how you THINK you’re taking something off your plate, but really, it can potentially create MORE anxiety when you’re NOT MANAGING YOUR MIND AROUND IT.
This is why I’m quite biased about hiring a COACH:)
So I asked Liz: Is this still something you are SURE you do NOT want to deal with? Are there other priorities in your life like your health coaching program and self-care practices that matter WAY MORE than you taking on this task?
100% yes. But I’d feel more relief knowing that the inspection would be done MY way! How do I let go of the shitty way he’ll do it?!
Ooooooh I thought this was so good!!!
YOU GET TO FEEL RELIEF WHETHER YOU DECIDE TO TAKE THIS TASK ON YOURSELF, OR DELEGATE IT TO YOUR HUSBAND.
If you’re SURE you’d prefer him to do it, tell me what you need to be thinking in order to STILL CULTIVATE RELIEF for yourself.
FRIENDLY REMINDER, FOLKS: OUR THOUGHTS CREATE OUR FEELINGS….If you don’t want to think a shitty thought, CHANGE IT.
I’d need to be thinking that I’m SO EXCITED ABOUT MY NEW BUSINESS IDEA I HAVEN’T EVEN TOLD YOU ABOUT YET, CLAIRE! Which is why I don’t want to take on the inspection. This is what I want to be focusing on…. As well as getting my daughter to start eating other things besides PBJ’s and grilled cheeses!!
GREAT! So every time you want to check up on your husband, remind yourself that you made a CHOICE to give him the task because there are way more important things you want to focus on, and how LUCKY you are that he’s willing do it for you!
And let’s say his way isn’t perfect… (or your idea of perfect), remind yourself that YOU CHOSE FOR HIM TO TAKE THE REIGNS ON THIS.
Our brains have a real fun way of letting us forget our WHY’S behind making decisions to BENEFIT us, versus DRIVE US NUTS.
Slow it down. Pause. Breathe. And remind yourself of what matters most.
When it’s all said and done, I’d go out on a limb and say that for most of us, perfection wouldn’t be the answer.
Happy Claire Your Mind Monday
PS Interested in working with me? I’m taking on 5 new clients for the new year AND OFFERING A YEAR LONG SPECIAL THAT EXPIRES DECEMBER 31st! Message me for a FREE CONSULTATION where we’ll discuss how to make 2019 your BEST YEAR YET!