This has been a running "THOUGHT OF THE WEEK" for both myself and several clients.
How many of you can relate to feeling so horrified by someone else's behavior that you're CONVINCED you yourself WOULD NEVER DO???
And perhaps you never would...
I know for myself, I'm a woman who prides herself on her VALUES.
I'm loyal as f$%*. (yes that was the most appropriate unit of measurement to describe how loyal)
I'm honest, even if it's something my loved ones may not want to hear-- if they're coming to me for an opinion or help, I'm gonna give it to them straight.
And with a healthy standard of maintaining personal boundaries, I will drop what I can for a loved one or client in need.
I'm also TRUE TO MY WORD, and I LOVE all those things about MYSELF.
This doesn't mean I'm perfect. It doesn't mean I don't mess up, but while I'm on this self-love roll, (recovering self-deprecating Irish Catholic here, so no apologies) I'll also throw in that I'm quick to take responsibility for my mistakes and GENUINELY apologize to anyone I've hurt, if need be.
So GOD, wouldn't it be REAL SWELL (yep best word to describe my dream state of being) if EVERYONE I encountered, operated the same way?!
ESPECIALLY the ones who claim to share their desire to implement integrity, loyalty and abide by a strong moral compass both in their work and personal lives, giving me the impression that they wouldn't be the kind of people to flip a switch on their grandiose words of intentions and affection towards me.
That's about as specific as I want to go in regards to what recently transpired with a person I care about.
And of course, I found it both beautiful and POIGNANT when a treasured client experienced a similar disappointment with one of her loved ones this week, and asked:
CLAIRE, HOW DO I GO ABOUT CARING FOR PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING THEM THE ABILITY TO HURT ME??
Very rarely am I stumped as a coach, but there was a moment of STUMPTEDNESS, FO SHO.
"Stumptedness" is totally a word.
Because I just made it up.
Anyway, WHAT A GREAT QUESTION she stumpted me on!
So much of the work I do on myself and with my clients is about NOT giving others the POWER to dictate how we feel.
BUT the REASON we show up to do this work is because we are still HUMAN BEINGS who love and feel deeply, and we're inevitably going to feel pain when loved ones operate in ways that aren't in alignment with our personal values.
And THAT'S WHAT THIS WORK IS ABOUT!
Embracing the pain. Acknowledging OUR OWN reactions and then MAKING A CHOICE to FREE ourselves from giving our "hurtful" loved ones the power to dictate how we feel, based on their words and behavior.
BUT THAT WON'T HAPPEN BY CHOOSING TO STAY IN YOUR VICTIM MENTALITY, AND NOT SHOW UP TO CONSCIOUSLY WORK THROUGH YOUR PAINFUL STORY...
I always say, if you're willing to keep your body tight and strong five days a week at the gym, why aren't you willing to rewrite a new story 15 mins a day that could contribute to creating so much more FREEDOM AND HAPPINESS IN YOUR LIFE???
Our bodies stay strong because we DO THE WORK.
But then we let loose and eat cake...
So, we go BACK to the gym to get our bodies how WE WANT them to be.
OUR MINDS NEED THIS SAME LOVE AND ATTENTION, WHILE ALSO GIVING THEM THE PERMISSION TO REACT WHEN THEY'RE INEVITABLY GOING TO BE TRIGGERED.
Talking about fixing the problem is NOT the same as waking up, downloading your thoughts and using such simple but GENIUS approaches to seeing the world in a much more beautiful and freeing way.
The person who hurt me this week, said and did things that at one time in my life would have been used as evidence to support my lack of self-worth.
I was hurt. I was angry.
But the quick turn around of recognizing SO MUCH GOOD ABOUT not only myself, but the amazing lessons learned from that situation, truly makes me grateful and an even more FIRM believer, that when you show up and do this work...
and I mean DO this work,
you will be rewarded a magillion-fold.
Yep-- "magillion" is also a word.
You're welcome for having TWO new words in your vocabulary for 2018!
Happy Claire Your Mind Monday, my loves!
PS INTERESTED IN WORKING WITH ME? Email firstname.lastname@example.org for your FIRST FREE SESSION.
PPS Stay tuned for MY TEN STEPS ON HOW TO HEAL HEARTBREAK VIDEO, exclusive for my subscribers only! Check out the BLOOPER REEL below to see what a spaz attack I am and get a teeny SNEAK PREVIEW.