Why Is My Ex ORBITING Me?!

Have you guys heard of ORBITING??  It's the latest term the kids have coined for when your ex lurks on your Instagram stories.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with the gram, you can post pics and videos in your stories that last 24 hrs, and whoever watches is listed below.

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know I’m ADAMANT about cutting off ALL CONTACT after a break-up.   

The time spent after a break-up should be focused on healing and moving forward--NOT posting to get a like from him, or stalking his page to see who he’s with or how “moved on” he seems.

I’ve definitely been triggered by an ex orbiting me, and have many friends and clients who’ve experienced the same head-scratcher, making us wonder:

If you were so clear about not wanting to be with me anymore, WHY do you keep watching my stories?!

It creates A LOT OF THOUGHT DRAMA that can be nipped in the bud if you bring yourself back to a GROUNDED REALITY.

Here are some things to consider:

1)   Instagram stories bleed into the next account’s stories of whoever you’re following.  Your ex could be watching a slew of stories and then yours pops up organically, so he continues to watch amidst all the other accounts he follows.  No rhyme or reason, but you think it means something because of YOUR feelings—not necessarily his…

2)   If you want him to stop, you CAN BLOCK HIM—don’t worry about thoughts like, “Well then he’ll think I’m crazy” or “I don’t want him to forget me!”  Take care of YOU.  Let your ex think whatever he’s going to.  Your Instagram account shouldn’t be the catalyst to bring you back together. 

3)   If you’re driving yourself crazy wondering WHY he keeps watching, ASK HIM.  What is the RESULT you want??  I want to know WHY.  Ok.  Then ASK. 

I took option 3 with an ex because we no longer followed each other on Instagram, so I was baffled by his name repeatedly showing up at the top of my stories, six months after our break-up.

The first couple of times, I thought “Well, all exes get a little curious, but someone needs to tell this child I can SEE that he’s watching…”

But by the fifth time over a period of a couple of weeks, I’d had it—especially because he claimed that despite there being “so much good” he didn’t see us working through the challenges we faced as a couple, nor did he want to. 

I was gutted to say the least… Just days before the break-up he had sent beautiful messages stating how in awe he was of me, and how much he wanted to work through our challenges.

Thankfully, I followed my own 10 Steps to Heal Heartbreak  (subscribe to watch!) and was pleasantly surprised by how quickly I’d moved on… the first couple of months were pretty brutal, but by the time he was watching my stuff 6 months later, I thought:

“CLASSSSIC UNIVERSE.  Just when he becomes a distant memory, he starts. To. ORBIT!!!!”

Could I have blocked him?  Absolutely. 

But the truth is he was unblocked at this point because I got overly confident about not caring anymore!

Yes, even life coaches have blindspots and moments of unawareness, which can feel quite humbling to say the least...

So I heard my coach telling me, “Make it MATH.  NOT DRAMA! What’s the RESULT you want?”

The result I wanted was knowing why he kept coming to my page to watch my life, after making such a clear decision to not want to be in it.   I offered that I was here if he had something to say, but if nothing had changed, I felt it wasn’t healthy for him or me that he continues to…well…STALK.

I received a pretty flippant, rushed, poorly written response that ultimately said, “What can I say? I was curious! I’ll stop.”

Was it unsatisfactory?  Absolutely.

Did I regret reaching out?  HELL NO.

I wanted an answer and I got one.  No more wondering, story-making, or “WTF! He watched AGAIN!,” and most importantly, I SHUT DOWN WHAT I THOUGHT WAS NOT COOL BEHAVIOR.

It was an opportunity to step into my power while still being kind and vulnerable, and getting to implement a boundary. 

If you find yourself giving WAY to much energy creating stories around your ex’s or anyone eles’s social media activity, present yourself with this Byron Katie question:

WHO WOULD I BE WITHOUT THIS THOUGHT?

I would be someone who’s putting myself out there to meet Mr. Right.  I would be focusing on taking my career to the next level.  I would be having more meaningful conversations with my girlfriends instead of psychoanalyzing someone’s behavior who frankly, proved in the end he wasn’t the emotionally available man I’d wanted him to be.

Orbiting is a term that totally amuses the millennial within, but letting it derail your healing process or distract you from living your fullest life, is on YOU.

The orbiter is NEVER in control of your thoughts or feelings, so next time you get triggered by the lurking, either block or ask for the facts…

Then ghost the mutha-f*&#@!!!

Happy Claire Your Mind Monday!!!

Interested in working with me?  The only requirement is that you understand my twisted sarcasm… If so, email claireyourmindcoaching@gmail.com and let’s get started with your first FREE strategy session!

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