As you read this title, I'm curious what your “this” is… If you don’t have a “this,” then Godspeed…
And I’ll lovingly call BS.
My “this” is the demise of meaningful relationships—whether it’s a boyfriend or dear friend. All of my “not good enough” thoughts will flood me with shame at unexpected times right when I think I’m over it. I’ll bump into a friend we share or see the ex tagged on social media, and the shock of someone I loved so deeply no longer being in my life will hit this empath as if the relationship was severed yesterday.
A kick-ass client was similarly triggered last week after feeling like she had finally gotten to a healthy place in a challenging relationship.
Kristin was on an extra special high at work when her sister pulled the rug out from underneath her with a disturbing message, causing fearful, catastrophic thoughts about how things were going to unfold in the future.
I couldn’t relate more when Kristin said, “I don’t want this to affect me anymore!”
Here’s the harsh truth: As human beings we will inevitably be painfully affected by loved ones and external events outside of our control, but we have a choice on how to perceive and handle them.
Here’s my go-to list on what to do when you’re affected by your “this.”
- PAUSE Whether it’s news you didn’t get the job or someone pushing your buttons, know that anything you say or do in the heat of the moment won’t serve you or the situation.
- LEAN INTO IT Acknowledge that you are extremely triggered to yourself and/or a loved one. Whatever you do, don’t deny it’s happening--unless you want the pain to last longer.
- GET THAT SHITE OUTTA YOUR SYSTEM (safely) Meditate. Breathe. Write. Ugly cry. Scream. Punch a pillow. All while having Kelly Clarkson's Because of You on repeat of course.
- CONTACT ME or a trusted loved one who supports and keeps you in check about the truth of your amazingness when saboteurs and/or unfortunate events steer you to believe otherwise.
- NURTURE YOURSELF What will make you feel better in THIS moment? New Girl episodes give me all the feels when I’m down. So do red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese icing. This does not mean inhale 20 cupcakes or numb out for a week on Netflix—I trust you know how to moderate. If not, another reason to contact me:)
- COME UP WITH ONE EMPOWERING ACTION STEP towards either re-embracing your truth, dissolving the painful story that doesn’t serve you, (like “She’ll always have this effect on me”) or moving yourself a little further away from the situation, (like blocking or unfollowing Negative Nelly on social media.)
Is this list a sure-fire way to end your pain? HELL NO!
But it’s a sure-fire way to put your head on the pillow every night knowing you’ve done your best, honored your truth, and owned who you are.
No compromising your needs for someone else. No letting them get the best of you.
Just your perfectly imperfect self putting your best foot forward one day at a time, handling whatever life throws at you in the most gracefully conscious way, regardless of the outcome.
Happy Claire Your Mind Monday.
What's your "this?" Is it a family member you just can't seem to win with? Is it your relationship with your body? Is it your inability to acknowledge how successful you are in your own right, without needing to compare yourself to others? Please share below and offer your favorite healthy or unhealthy way on how you handle it--admitting it is the first step:)