It's Just SO MUCH

If I had a nickel for every time someone has said this to me in the last month--myself included-- I'd be booking my dream vay-cay to Bali instead of writing this.  (no offense) Clients, friends, and strangers are overwhelmed by this dramatic election, and is it just me, or is everyone experiencing some sort of personal existential crisis?  Is this IT?  Am I going to feel this overbearing dissatisfaction for forever?  Will there EVER be a time when a new problem doesn't replace an old one, and I'm just enjoying life for what it is? 

Perhaps I'm projecting or experiencing the law of attraction, because I've certainly been in this funk over the last while, wondering when the angst is going to shift.

I've had many meltdowns as I attempt to explore new avenues, hitting roadblock after roadblock.

One avenue I was surprised by was my interest in going back to school.  Practicing what I preach to my clients, once I had the idea in my head, I absorbed myself with gathering as much information as I could, and actually had a lot of fun playing with different possibilities of new cities and a new career.

Ultimately, my timing was off with the application process and after a lot of invested time and interest, I found myself over the idea after all.

However, one gift that came out of my research was a hotel booking I couldn't change in San Diego, where I was going to attend an information session.

What a gift for this introverted extrovert who's been craving a get-away to do whatever the F I pleased! 

Not gonna lie-- I definitely found myself in a careful-what-you-wish-for state a few times…  Why do I feel lonely when all I've wanted is to be alone?  Is it weird if I just go to the zoo by myself?  Room service in the middle of the afternoon is too indulgent!  

I felt all the feelings, acknowledged my "shoulds,"  and did what I wanted anyway.  

To say it was EFFING FREEINNNGGGG, is an understatement.

I finally had the time and space to remember that life can be both happy and sad, dark and light, high and low.  I had time to cry over things I didn't realize I was still not over.  And I uncovered a major blindspot that must seem so blaring-ly obvious to my close loved ones, but I consciously realized that I had more faith in my clients creating a life of their dreams than I did for myself.  

I wish I could say I now feel like a million bucks and realize that perhaps life is NOT so much after all...

But I still think life IS JUST SO MUCH!  It's messy.  It's glorious.  It's gut-wrenching.  It's beautiful.  It's hard.  It's joyful.  It's SO much.

What I can say is that it's time to consciously embrace all of it, instead of fight all of it.

After all, if it was supposed to be another way, it would be.  

Happy Claire Your Mind Monday.

 

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