Has anyone else ever been hit with the "I-need-to-be-perfect" stick? It encompasses the ability to please multiple people at the same time in different places while still carving out time to exercise but also get enough rest, all the while making sure you squeeze in some personal fun AND continue to work on making your dreams come true.
My dear rockstar of a client, Nikki, calls it, "wanting to be a superhero!"
Nikki is a mom, a wife, an actress, an acting teacher, a volunteer at a hospice organization, and the type of friend every woman wants to have-- she's infectious, fun, supportive, deep, hilarious, beyond generous, and just so adorable to look at! To put it succinctly, Nikki gives you all the feels.
I know: Seems like all she needs is a cape and the label, "Superhero" would totally apply.
Also: WHY WOULD THIS CHICK NEED A LIFE COACH?!?
Trust me-- If I didn't think Nikki could benefit from this work, I would NEVER take her money!
During our first session, it was clear to me that Nikki was doing a PHENOMENAL job checking off all the boxes in her external world-- consistently showing up for her family and friends, auditions, the classes she teaches, the class she takes, and more.
In the mean time, her internal world was being neglected, leading her to feel physically exhausted, emotionally overwhelmed, and genuinely stuck on why she isn't further along in her career when she's doing everything she can to make it happen.
During our next session, I asked Nikki, "Why do you think you'd make an amazing series regular on a TV show?" as this is something she would love to have happen.
She gave me five reasons why her being on set would help others. Nothing was in it for herself.
I gently but firmly pointed this out and asked again: "Why do you think you'd make an amazing series regular?"
She then told me about all the qualities she isn't: "Welllll I'm not young, I'm not strikingly gorgeous..." (Meanwhile I'm considering hopping across town to knock on her door and shake her silly in front of a mirror)
I pointed out that she didn't answer my question again, and proceeded to ask a third time. (Please note I do the SAME THING in my own work, so by no means am I sitting on some spiritually evolved high horse over here)
It got real quiet and a little emotional-- for both of us really, as I couldn't relate to Nikki's story more.
We had hit a big block, and it was going to take some more time for her to sit with that question. So I made it a MANDATORY task for her to write a compelling story as to why right here, right now, who she is on the inside and out is absolutely worthy of becoming a series regular.
What I knew for sure is that if Nikki didn't know why she was worthy, deserving, and qualified in making her dreams come true, nobody else would.
When we connected last week I was thrilled to hear this do-gooder rule-follower did a beautiful job… on the other three optional tasks I gave her for the week, yet somehow managed to forget the mandatory one!
We had a great laugh about it, (cuz if ya can't laugh what can ya do?!) but it was clear that...
This deep-rooted limiting belief of not being series-regular-worthy was proving to be deeper than we realized, and it was clear that Nikki was unconsciously telling herself not to bother rewriting a newer, BETTER story for her greater good.
Don't worry. It's on the docket for next week and I KNOW she's gonna make it happen! (Right Nik?!)
We wrapped up the session with turning around another limiting belief of having the desire to be a superhero. Using the ultimate thought-dissolver, Byron Katie's system, I challenged that statement.
I asked for three reasons why she DOESN'T want to be a superhero. (Keep in mind this is because this desire wasn't helping Nikki-- it was putting anxious pressure on her that I wanted to guide her in alleviating. For others, the desire to be a superhero might be a very invigorating thought for them so I would leave that alone.)
Her immediate, instinctive answers from the heart made this proud life coach wanna hop in my car again but this time show up at her door doing serious back-flips and my famous splits instead of shake her:
I don't wanna be a superhero because:
- Superhero's aren't real people and I want to be a real person
- If I think someone else IS a superhero, it actually makes me feel worse about myself, so maybe people seeing me as more of a real person is more inspiring than being a superhero.
- Superheroes can't have deep, intimate relationships because they have to be everywhere all the time and I love all the relationships I have in my life!
ALL. THE. FEEEEEEELZZZ. Amirite?
It was for sure a profound reminder to me as a life coach to keep sharing my fears, insecurities and bouts of self-doubt with all of you, because I know that honesty, open-heartedness and being our most vulnerable selves is what keeps us connected, supported, and inspires us to rise up and defeat the old bullshit stories that no longer serve us.
The work works, people.
Happy Claire Your Mind Monday.
Ready to investigate some blind spots of your own?!! Contact me for a session!